ready, set, go.

what is self-protection?

what is self-reflection?

i've neglected my religion in hopes of finding God

the waves in the sea of subjectivity and intuition are looming

threatening to envelop forever

so i'm swimming to shore.

i'm so afraid i'll find myself back in that familiar land;

where religion births comfort, legalism - simplicity, condemnation gives self-loathing, sexism hands me the unattainable role, hierarchy keeps suppressed, gnosticism neglects matter, abuse imparts dysfunction, and sin, evil, and brokenness insure a mess.

"for I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

there is a Current where i'm at
pushing and pulling
where will it lead me?

i know there will be similar sights at this,
the new shore.

but it must be

that only truth will deliver comfort
and of course,
pain alongside it.

trusting One greater than myself births simplicity
where complexities and ambiguities will not be ignored.

self-loathing is inevitable
and abolished
given by God
is
newness
union
dignity
transcendence
righteousness
clean, healed, whole

blessings handed to me on my role as a human
with white skin
with womanhood
American
straight
churched
creative
independent
impatient
introspective
sensitive
compassionate
such sweet blessings

validation to be kept
if only between God and i
a choice can be made
to practice quietness for compassionate use
but never long suppressed
because this will be over soon

yes, on this shore
even matter will matter
it will be honored
in its rightful place

the relational ecosystem is imparted
i am put to good use
but never merely used
misused

and in this place,
the waves still beat the rocks.
sin, evil, and brokenness insure a mess.

but i will be standing on solid ground.